Against the grain

Here we go… Another fitness/get in shape blog. Another portal for people to rack off the fitness tips they read on pinterest or the get slim quick tricks they got from a friend, of a friend, of a friend.

STOP

Just stop, and take a minute to entertain the idea that maybe that’s not what this is. Perhaps, this is something different.

My name is Hala, pronounced (hay-la) and I am a 24 year old woman who has spent pretty much her entire life over weight. For as long as I can remember I have spent time everyday thinking about my size and how to change it.

So to begin, I have never been one of those people who didn’t understand why I was chunky. You see those videos of obese men and women eating 6 tasty cakes who are then confused as to why they are carrying extra weight. I understand how calories and exercise impact my body, but sometimes knowing is not the only thing you need to bring forth change.

First thing to know..

Throughout this entire process I will not, I repeat, I will not be weighing myself. When I was a teenager and into my young adult years I always had this magic number in my head. It was this beautiful number that to me meant I would have finally achieved my goal and would be normal. When I would diet I would obsess about that number, watching everyday to see if my weight had gone down even the slightest bit. If it had, I was over the moon, and if not I would spend the rest of my waking hours mentally punishing myself. Being healthy meant nothing in comparison to being a socially acceptable number.

My goal during this time is to be healthy and fit. I want to train and push my body to it’s limits. I want to see what obstacles I can overcome and feel good about what I see in the mirror. When I have brought my body to where I want it to be, I will get on that scale. My goal is to disconnect health and confidence from the number to which it always seems to be tied.

The Spark…

As of June, I became engaged to the most wonderful man on the planet. This guy has loved me through thick and thin, and has most definitely seen me at my worst. I didn’t really start dating until I was about 23 years old. Up until that point, pretty much ever guy i fell for was either completely uninterested, completely weird, or completely gay. For a very long time, I attributed my singleness to my weight. I would constantly think, “if only I was thinner, maybe a guy would want me…” And for some guys, that’s absolutely true.

So let me just throw something out there…

Everyone has their own cup of tea. Don’t hate on the men out there who like thin women. I like thin guys. You cannot force a physical attraction and that doesn’t make the guy shallow. But, for anyone out there struggling with the same thoughts that I was putting into my head, STOP. No, I mean, really stop. There are men out there who absolutely want what you are serving. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and except the fact that there are guys out there who would LOVE you. Every single inch of you, even if those inches could measure a mile.

*She comes crashing down off of her soap box*

So, as many engaged couples do, my fiance and I have been thinking of fun activities to do together. One day, I just happen to mention to him that I would love to do a Spartan race someday. Someday. Now, just to be clear, I would love to do a Spartan race, however, that did and even still does seem so far away from the realm of reality in which we all live. Well of course Dave jumps on the idea faster than a 5 year who just spotted an ant on his kitchen floor. Have I mentioned that my husband to be was a bit of a gym junkie before we met? Well I had completely forgotten that because he has kind of fallen off the band wagon himself. Now all of a sudden the wheels in his head start turning, and before I know it, this whole far off in the realm of impossible idea has now become a thing. A real, living, breathing thing and I am going to be training for a Spartan race.

Things just got real..

The more we spoke about the idea, the more it became apparent that he and I are both eager to get our asses in shape. We want to eat healthier and live healthier lives.

One horrible habit that Dave and I both have become quite accustomed to is fast food.The busier life gets, the harder it is to cook at home. I am also the coffee queen, and for any of my ladies out there who love the Starbucks or Dunkies, you understand this deep rooted addiction. However, in an attempt to eat healthier and save some money I have decreed: “No Eat Out October”

Honestly, my wounded heart bleeds coffee stained blood just at the thought. No eating out, or coffee out for an entire month. I mean, no fast food is a breeze, but I’m pretty sure this coffee thing could kill me. Alas, the point of this is to break ourselves from the patterns, habits, and food addictions he and I have become so accustomed to.

So the other radical thing…. 

One of the other things that I will be doing throughout this journey is attempting to change my eating habits in a way that is actually do-able for a young woman attempting to save up for an apartment and pay down credit card debt. So unless you are independently wealthy, I’m sure some money saving tips won’t be ill received.

In the past whenever I have decided to “Diet” I would go to the grocery store and drop a shit ton of cash on healthy organic fruits and veggies. My cart would in an instant become this beautiful lush garden full of produce that was ready to make me into the beautiful woman I knew I could be. 10 days later, as I’m sitting in the kitchen eating my bowl of captain crunch, I notice some funky smells coming from the produce drawer which hasn’t been opened since day 3. What a waste of food and money.

 Now, I assume we are all smart enough to understand that I am not in any way looking down upon healthy eating, but I’m simply trying to change the way I’ve done things in the past. One of Dave and I’s first goals is to begin taking many of the recipes we both know and love and making them healthier. This could be as simple as cutting out sauces, cutting back on cookies, making our meals colorful, and allowing veggies to pave a new road through recipes they were once banned from.

I hope to include many recipes and tricks that work. We read about so many substitutions and options for eating healthier, but how many of them actually work and taste good? Well, I’m here to experiment. But, I’m also attempting to do all of this with budget friendly meals. GO TEAM!

The breakdown…

So maybe you’re asking yourself, “what is this actually going to be?”

Basically, it will be a day to day, honest record of successes and failures both gym bound and kitchen bound. There will be pictures, workout tips, recipes, and just overall helpful hints for anyone on this journey. You will watch an overweight nanny attempt to bring her body to a place where she can climb ropes and jump through fire pits.

But most importantly..

You are going to see a real life example of someone who is going against the grain. Someone who says no to normality, and who has decided she deserves better than a life as slave to some magical and potentially unattainable number.

There will be tears, and coffee rants, and days where I am just simply done. But, hopefully at the end, I will be a champion of my own body, and I will accept healthy living at any number.

Thanks for reading! Please follow along on this adventure!